Yesterday, I had a complete meltdown. One thing after another just kept going wrong, or disappointing me, or causing me to break down in tears or snap at my family – it was a train wreck. This derailment was rare for me + it completely overwhelmed me. I tried to power through – to keep starting fresh – growing more anxious by the minute and feeling utterly defeated. Finally my son, Jack, said, “Just go lay down for twenty minutes + reset yourself.” Let me tell you, that man was raised right.
As I laid there, the tears continued to roll down my cheeks, but as my heart rate slowed with each deep breath, so did my tears. I thought about why my day had become such a disaster when the weeks – for the most part – had been going well. I traced it back to the start of the weekend when I had decided to relax and let it all go, to dump the daily scheduling and embrace whatever came. What came was a wild swing of the pendulum that left me completely displaced. There is a balance between discipline and letting go – an equilibrium – and in order to get back to that sweet spot, I needed to restore my order.
Trust in Yourself
We all know when we are at our best – in the “before” time – and we have to figure out what that means for us now that the circumstances have changed. One of things I say most to the people who are close to me is “You do you.” It means: I acknowledge you and your process – it might not be what I would do, but I respect your right to do things your way. It is something I often say to myself as well, but sometimes, like yesterday, I forget to listen.
I am an entrepreneur, a builder – a creator of systems and processes that I enjoy constantly iterating and improving. I love a good brainstorm, as any of my professional teammates can tell you. I love structure and organization and laminating charts and labeling things, as any of my family can tell you. What I am not good at is accepting defeat – or knowing when to just go lay down and reset. For this, we have to trust in the people in our lives and if you build a good enough system – the fail safe – your people, your family, your community – will kick in to help. Before you get there – to the brink – trust in yourself and what works for you but, if you tip over the edge, let people catch you.
Write Your New Rules
We have all lost something incredibly precious at this time – I lost the love of my life and my children, their extraordinary father. Some friends have had to say goodbye to their small business they built from scratch. Our kids have lost their school day, their sports teams, their graduations. We have all lost our personal space, our social life, our freedom, our privacy. We have all lost our footing and are trying to discover how to right ourselves, how to rewrite the rules for this new age. I know what that means for me. You do you.